added Health/Transparency; changed social link

Health/Issues.md

@@ -2,7 +2,8 @@
 title: Mental Health
 tags:
   - Drezil
-status: Incomplete
+authors:
+  - name: Nicole Dresselhaus
 categories:
   - Mental Health
   - Article
@@ -60,11 +61,6 @@ the autism-part is completely overwhelmed by the ADHD chaos. Both then leading
 to exhaustion, not being able to do anything .. and basically feeling guilty for
 the things you did not manage to finish.
 
-Today i finally found myself. I currently have a great partner (with 3 kids) -
-and **all** of them have similar issues. Like i said: I best get along with
-similar people - and also fall in love with those.. and as AuDHD runs in the
-genes all offspring has a good chance of catching it to varies degrees, too.
-
 I think the most important thing was the ADHD-Diagnosis - as this enabled me to
 get metylphenidate to basically get into a "3-4 hours focused as long as the
 pill works" and total chaos afterwards. This enables me to have productive

Health/Transition.md

@@ -0,0 +1,72 @@
+---
+title: My Transition - Experiences and Recommendations
+draft: true
+authors:
+  - name: Nicole Dresselhaus
+categories:
+  - Mental Health
+  - Post
+  - Struggles
+  - Experience
+# date: unfinished
+---
+
+## Personal
+
+- egg crack late.
+  - -> issues since childhood
+  - ~> polictics
+  - ~> timeline of trans-regulations in germany
+- tl;dr: only now a "safe enough environment" given the rest of my time
+  remaining
+
+## medical
+
+- informed myself pretty good about what happens
+  - link resources like transfemscience
+  - link TT-Discord
+- gatekeeping
+  - procedures if you got "normal" health insurance vs. procedure when you just
+    pay yourself.
+  - the "neccessity" for the complicated procedure is not rooted in medical
+    protection. Just protection of money.
+  - collapsible callout with "story time" of S from H's story.
+- uninformed docs
+  - collapsible callouts (multiple!) with "story time"
+
+## my way
+
+- diy
+- community-driven
+  - link diyhrt.cafe
+  - link transharmreduction
+- goal
+  - yes, samlacian is an option.
+  - yes, i will do that
+  - cost 30k - but only once in your life :)
+
+## my recommendations
+
+- Warning: im not a medical expert. I "just" hat a few terms of
+  molecular-biology, neuro-biology, psychology, chemistry etc. in university. I
+  can READ papers and graphs and understand stuff - but not conduct that
+  research myself.
+- forget about androcur - imo it is only useful the first 6 month for more rapid
+  onset
+  - not needed as high enough E-Levels suppress T-Production and generation of
+    DHT
+- aim E2 about 200-400pg/ml, T cis-female range
+  - -> show Abott 5 and 95-quantile for cis females
+  - beware also bias because many cis females suffer from symptoms that could be
+    treated by more E2.
+- EEn sc is best for this and has a "cycle" of 1 week
+- add P4 only after a year or so of treatment
+  - -> graph of E2 in cis females 8-18;
+    - 8-12 elevated E2, only then P4.
+  - cycle of 1 week instead of 1 month => 4 years in cis ~ 1 year in trans
+    - beware: just crackpot-theory. No basis.
+  - P4 should be cycled
+    - show cis female cycle, basically 14 day on, 14 day off - factor of 20+
+      between those values
+    - only anecdotal evidence .. but .. i got breasts and i can give milk - and
+      seems to do no harm

Health/Transparency.md

@@ -0,0 +1,144 @@
+---
+title: Being transparent and open
+tags:
+  - Drezil
+authors:
+  - name: Nicole Dresselhaus
+lang: en
+categories:
+  - Post
+  - Struggles
+  - Experience
+date: 2025-08-23
+description: I do lewd stuff online. I am not hiding it. This tells you why.
+---
+
+## Premise
+
+The idea for this post is thanks to
+[Miranda](https://girlcock.club/@miranda/110135572301247954). She has the same
+opinion as me on these things i need to quote the first 2 paragraphs of her
+post, because i doubt i can write them better:
+
+> I don’t like social games. Or more specifically, I like them if they are
+> really _games_, e.g. things we do willingly and deliberately, for the purpose
+> of having fun or living some other experience, with well defined boundaries
+> and context, and with nothing more at stake than the game itself. Roleplaying
+> games is an activity I love and that is really important to me, and I enjoy
+> playing devious, manipulative, cunning or mysterious characters. But I enjoy
+> it _because it’s a game_, I have no interest in being like that in real life,
+> because real life is not a game. We only have one life, we are not fully in
+> control of how we live it, and there are no boundaries. Decisions can have
+> consequences, sometimes drastic and unexpected ones, on both our and others’
+> lives. Everything matters.
+>
+> Besides, I only have one life too, and as I’ve been painfully aware for a few
+> years, it will not last forever. I often feel like I’m running out of time, or
+> at least that I’ve already wasted enough time. I’ve suffered and taken bad
+> decisions, hurt myself and other people, dedicated insane amount of time and
+> energy to fruitless and joyless activities, and spent years passing by whole
+> aspects of my life (and overfocusing on the precious few that could bring me
+> some satisfaction), mostly because I did not understand who I am, how I work,
+> and what I desired. I think the previous sentence is something a lot of people
+> can relate to, but I maybe experience it in an extreme way - and yes of course
+> it’s about transition. I’m 38 and I’m feeling a whole new world opening to me.
+> The way I consider myself, and the way I relate to others, is transformed. My
+> emotions, light or dark, as running wilder than ever. I’m feeling like I have
+> everything to discover, everything to do, and yet I’m about twenty years late.
+
+I mean .. i am 40 instead of 38 - but the rest is so on point. I'm also **done
+with playing games**. I struggled for the better part of my life (basically
+since i could think) and struggled with mental health issues for the last 25
+years. That's enough. That is time i will never get back. This also means that
+there so many experiences (good _and_ bad) that i never made. I will never know
+how it is like to be a student at school or university in my correct gender.
+That's why i decided, that the second half of my life i will make the rules.
+
+## My current self
+
+I enjoy myself very much currently. **I am poly**, as most of my friends are. I
+**embrace sex-positivity** and are not ashamed of what i do and how much joy it
+brings me; and i am open about that **and share it** with the world - even on
+social media.
+
+**If you don't want to see that - just don't look for it.** Those things always
+have a proper content-warning (CW) and every platform or client you use can
+filter those posts out. But for my part, **I am done hiding.** It has never lead
+to anything good for me and was only used to exert pressure or power over
+me^[Other Example, but similar: At my old job my direct boss told me, that it
+_might_ not be a good idea to talk our wages with each other - as we all haggled
+individually in the yearly 'employee-talk'. Fuck this shit.]. Try to shame or
+blackmail me with it and i share my public accounts with _your_ colleagues and
+tell them what _you_ watch in your free time.
+
+I am also a **relationship anarchist**. Things are just, what they are. If we do
+platonic bondage without any sexual intent or drive through half of Europe for a
+weekend of kinky sex - the dynamics of a single relationship are foremost only
+relevant to the two people within the relationship. And i very much enjoy it
+this way. Nothing is forced, everything can happen, but nothing HAS to happen.
+Of course this does not mean, that my partners don't have a say in anything and
+i do only what _i_ want - communication is the key here.
+
+All this also permeates through all my friendships. As said previously many of
+my friends are poly and also sex-positive. So also i fuck with them quite
+regularly and even have no problem sharing pictures of this on the web (with
+their permission) as well. So, where does friendship end and partnership begins?
+You tell me. I have no idea. Besides: Having sex with a good friend is way
+better than one-night-stands with strangers imo.
+
+## About Sexwork
+
+Another big thing that follows from this is, that i will also try to get into
+actual sexwork on the side. Not in the immediate future because i still need to
+get some things in order (like getting PrEP approved), investigate how, when and
+where things are done for how much and if it is worth my time - and most
+importantly: get to know the scene beforehand to not be exploited or worse by
+some customers that professionals would quickly filter out^[This is actually
+currently my main concern. If there are people out there that get turned down by
+other sexworkers for \$reasons and i don't know how to spot those things i run a
+higher risk of meeting them as they will specialize on preying on the people new
+into the business].
+
+Also in Germany this means registering a business for that purpose, doing proper
+paperwork, etc. pp. And also land on a handful of lists that can easily get me
+killed if Nazis come back in power^[I mean, i am sure i am already on some
+lists. And more of those are even planned by the government - so what harm does
+one more?].
+
+## About Social Media
+
+This one was i thing that i only decided recently. I am active in the Fediverse
+and always liked it. What i did not like is to split myself onto two or more
+accounts. I mostly did it for the convenience of others. Like when they want to
+follow me with their business accounts or whatever. Why do _i_ have to fragment
+myself for their convenience? Just don't auto-expand CWs in your client or on
+your business-machine. Then you won't be forced to see a closeup of my tits in
+the middle of your workday when your boss just walks around the corner.
+
+My problem then also is that my main and my lewd-account don't get equal
+attention. Sometimes the main gets not even looked at for a week (just bosts
+stuff i see on my lewd that i would post on my main - and thanks to fedilab i
+can just long-press boot and say 'boost as main-account'), not answering to
+people questioning me and so on. And even if i try to separate those the
+lewd-account always ends up being more of a main-account than my main. I got
+many more meaningful connections and answers there, more fun looking and
+interacting with other people (you know? The _social_ in social media? Not just
+"Building an Audience" -.-) and also feel more at ease there.
+
+That why i have decided to merge my main (non-lewd) account into my lewd
+account. **If you want to follow and interact with me, you get the _full_ me.**
+Ramblings on NixOS? Sure. Research with LLMs? Yup. Pictures from Conferences i
+attend? You bet. Details from the after-show? Oh yeah :smirk: . Political posts
+from my hometown? Absolutely! You can always choose to block posts with i.e.
+"lewd" or "sex" in the CW. You can always choose to not open the post with such
+a CW. But don't come to me complaining about what you saw there.
+
+## Final remarks
+
+No, this whole post is _not_ an invitation to just hit on me, when we never
+interacted in at least a semi-personal way. Additionally depending on the
+context (i.e. if we only interact work-related or have some kind of hierarchical
+relationship (mentor-student, boss-employee, ..)) conversations about my
+activities _not_ related to the current topic at hand will not happen. So don't
+even think about asking lewd related stuff in a non-private or at least
+semi-private setting.